Potty Talk
Everyone is thinking it but no one is saying it. How did I go to the bathroom living in a tent on the Ross Ice Shelf. Simple. I didn’t. That worked the first hour or so before I was busting for the loo.
If you want to see a miracle all you have to do is go to the bathroom. Right there you have a porcelain God. It helped build Rome, cured world diseases and civilized man. I’m talking about none other than the flush toilet. Do you not know how amazing the toilet and its accompanying septic system are? Apparently I must have taken them for granted at times because I always end up in situations where I appreciate them afterwards. I used to think poping a squat in the woods was grotestk. Then it was pumping the head in the Westward (125m Schooner I sailed on). However, Antarctica takes the cake.
First off we had to make our toilet which consisted of shovels, saws and lots of manual labor. I was tempted to just dig a small hole or create a “pee pole” but we couldn’t. It was not environmentally friendly. This was made harder when we saw huge piles of seal poos and yellow snows. It is nice that this system is being implemented and steps made to keep Antarctica pristine. However, it would have been nice if the the Environmental Impact Officer could have been responsible for changing the toilet buckets out.
First example of an Antarctic toilet
Now that I am back, I’m tempted to flush the toilet 100 times just because I could but that’s a lot of wasted water. Seriously, it will be a joy to never again have to remove the ice block from the “toilet lid”, not have to take all my jackets off, pull my pants down in sub zero temperatures only to sit my derriere on an ice encrusted foam seat. Being able to do my business in the same bucket means no more tricky mid operation maneuvers. I’ll spare you the details of the peeing efforts made while away from the camp toilets for the afternoon. A sink with warm water! Soap! Oh, glorious soap. These are the things I missed most. (have no fear we did use hand sanitizer) On the first night I had a raging bathroom call at some we hour of the morning as the sun still blazed around us. So all the previous steps had to be taken after wrenching myself from my warm sleeping bag and putting on minimal clothing and frozen boots. That was the first and last time I made the mistake of sculling water right before bed. Let me tell you, there was no chance I was the least bit still asleep after that bathroom run.
flag up means she's all yours
Do you know how amazing it is that all you have to do is push a button and your poos go away off to poo heaven? We had to take the inner bag, tie it off, lid on. Then seal off the second outer bag. Pees had to be funneled into a bigger 20 liter jug. This was all done in about -50C weather, usually before you’ve even had your breakfast. What a way to start your day! Then it was all hauled off to Scott Base where it will be sent to New Zealand and treated. The buckets will be burned. I’m rather sad that I can not continue on this journey with our poo buckets because I think I’d get a lot of satisfaction out of watching them burn….
Don't miss the toilet paper roll on the right
So the next time you cringe your nose and make an awful grimace towards your sewage treatment plant as you drive by on a warm spring day with the top down on your new red convertible (ok I’m dreaming a bit) STOP. Get down on your knees and pay homage to the most amazing buildings ever conceived. Hug your local sewage treatment man for he is doing you an incredible service.
I know I will no longer look at going to the toilet the same ever again. Being able to pop a squat in the woods at any location I choose will be a luxury enough, never mind warm private rooms with plush rugs for your feet free of 10lb boots. But I will say this, no matter how elaborate and fancy your bathroom alter may be, it will never ever have a better view than my buckets on the ice.